Todos sabemos que, para estarmos bem numa relação, quer familiar, quer de amizade ou amorosa, temos de estar bem connosco em primeiro lugar. Neste sentido, várias páginas de Instagram apostam na partilha de conteúdos úteis, não só para os nossos relacionamentos, como para o bem-estar interior. A Cosmopolitan reuniu 17 delas, que agora partilhamos consigo, para que possa espreitar (e, eventualmente, aplicar alguns conselhos). Confira!

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Quite possibly my favorite prompt of all time. I use this in my life and I ask my clients to use it in theirs. The things we say, do, and choose lead us somewhere. Before we respond it’s our responsibility to pause to figure out which somewhere we are going. Let’s simplify it. We either move towards suffering or we move towards peace. We move towards chaos or we move towards freedom. We move towards pain or we move towards healing. This or that. When we respect the pause [that space between stimulus and response] we give ourselves a chance to choose. Yes, we can sometimes respond before the stimulus, but let’s put that aside for now. This work is BIG. When I recognize the pause I can ask myself the prompt above. Is texting this person going to lead me to peace or suffering? Is going home and staying in my childhood home for the holidays for more than 3 nights going to lead me to peace or suffering? Does staying at this job lead me to peace or suffering? Does responding this way to my partner lead me [us] to peace or suffering? Does choosing to go to the gym lead me to peace or suffering? Setting this boundary? Peace or suffering? You get the picture. Part of the catch is knowing what our suffering is. We can’t have an answer to our question if we don’t know what creates or leads us to our suffering. That requires intimacy with ourselves to understand and identify that. What do I do that creates or maintains suffering? How do I show up for it and contribute to it? Ask yourself those questions and get clear with yourself. And then ask yourself this prompt in the pause. If you’re choosing suffering, adjust. If you resist adjusting, you got get curious about it. Why might I be clinging to it? Choosing it? What’s it serving. Ahhh the questions. There’s your start point for today. #mindfulmft _____________ Ready to do the work? Sign up for your spot in the Get The Love You Want Course that starts September 11th. This 6 week online course can be done from anywhere in the world. Connor and I are so proud of this course. It’s a game changer and we’re thrilled to offer it again. Any relationship status 👊🏼. Link in bio. Payment plans available.

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It’s impossible to control someone and love them at the same time. Breathe that truth right in. Here’s the thing: the need to control a partner is in fact a desperate attempt to hide from your own pain. It’s a relational move done in the service of masking something much deeper… usually the terror of loss. *** Note: this in no way, shape or form JUSTIFIES controlling behavior. It CONTEXTUALIZES it. So that it can be named, understood, and changed. *** The truth that hides out under controlling behavior is this: “I control you because I’m afraid to lose you.” • And if I lose you, what I fear that would say about me is… • And if I lose you, I am terrified that… That fear of loss is usually old, rooted in a story from when we were small, too small to be able to make an impact on the world around us. So what is begging for attention is that old hurt. The little kid we once were has a story very much worth telling. And as long as that old story remains buried, what will keep showing up today is controlling behavior. The really tragic thing about controlling behavior is that it actually increases the likelihood of the most feared outcome— our partner leaving. Because control drives a wedge. Control blocks intimacy. Control creates the conditions for resentment, disengagement, and betrayal. **** The path forward? Attending to the pain. No more rationalization. No more blame. No more hiding out. Turn toward the hurt. By caring for your wounded parts, you open yourself to love. Love, antithetical to control, says, “I see you. I am beside you. I celebrate you.” Thank you Terry Crews and Trevor Noah for your authenticity which lights the way. #lovingbravely

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Self observation is a super power. The more you practice observing yourself, the more you’ll see just how much you project. Our ideas, your beliefs, your own life experience comes out all day long onto those around us. But, if we don’t understand our ego, it will take us on an emotional roller coaster all day long. That person who told us we look tired? Rude. That women who ran over our foot with her shopping cart because she was distracted? Rude. That person who offered me unsolicited advice about parenting? Rude. Our ego creates villains and makes us the victim. It loves to have us believe a false sense of impotence that people are purposely targeting us with their behavior. Human beings are mostly unconscious. Mostly distracted in their own mind. Mostly repeating things they themselves have been told without awareness of how that might affect another person. If we practice acceptance with this we can navigate the world with grace. We can see people’s behavior for what it is: a reflection of how they feel about themselves. Then we can choose a response in line with our highest self, not the wounded self. Consciousness heals. As we awaken, we can process our feelings around peoples behavior without letting it take us on an emotional roller coaster. AND, we can make choose to have boundaries around behavior that is hurtful or harmful. Just because people’s behavior isn’t about us, doesn’t mean it’s ours to carry. Or fix. How does it feel to release the idea that behavior is personal? #selfhealers

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A couple of posts ago, I talked about why some of us become stuck in a state of “comfortable misery”. : One situation that I often find people “stuck” are unhappy and/or toxic relationships. : Being stuck in an unhappy relationship is sort of like a catch-22. You feel damned if you stay, but damned if you leave. You might believe in the possibility of happiness after the relationship ends, but FIRST, you know that you need to overcome this mountain of pain and loneliness. : But who wants to deal with pain and loneliness? Nobody ever wants to feel bad, you just want to feel good. And breakups tend to feel bad. Like, really bad. : That’s why it’s so difficult to make a clean break on the first try. As unhappy as you are IN the relationship, it feels better (in the moment) than to break up and be alone. : Sometimes, that difficulty detaching from the relationship can be confused as “love,” because you find yourself desperately trying to keep this person in your life. : So how can you tell if it’s love or fear of loneliness? How can you tell if you’re just comfortably miserable with your partner? : I want you to try this: 🔮 Visualize a future 5 years from now, where you’re happy with your life, and feeling good about yourself. Now ask yourself this: 🙏🏼 Do you HOPE that this same partner, as the person that he/she CURRENTLY is, will still be playing the role of your companion in the future? : If you answer “NO”, that you DON’T hope for this same person to have a role in your future good life, then it might not be love that’s holding the relationship together. : In my next post, I’m going to talk a little bit more about ways to lessen the emotional blow of a breakup. : : : : : : : : #relationshipadvice #relationships101 #relationships #relationshipgoals #hopelessromantic #relationshipproblems #marriagegoals #marriagebootcamp #loveaddiction #loveaddict #addiction #addictedtolove #strongwomenrock #healthyrelationships #singlelifeproblems #breakupquotes #gettingoveryou #positivity #helpishere #ineedhelp #resilience #breakups #breakingup #sadsongs #lovesongs

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The best feeling. Ever. #createthelove

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